view member journals

年龄错位症

最近, 我把博克集成两本书, 发送给朋友们, 做他们节日阅读消遣. 之后我接到很多电话, 大家不太费劲地喜欢上了我的小文章. 我把前言翻成英文, 至少让不懂英文的朋友们知道个大概. 没想到竟有两个大教授对我的用词有非议, 他们觉得我不该用 '老妈' 这个词来称呼自己. 应该改成'母亲'或者'妈妈'. 原因有二: 第一, 你并不老; 第二, 中国孩子管母亲叫 '老妈' 显然是不敬.

我得尊重我的老外读者群, 改过文字之后，我不得不向他们解释这个有点意思的'文化差异', 在中国， '老妈' 是大一点的孩子对自己母亲的 '昵称' , 敦敦从去年开始叫我'老妈'或者 'my dear old mom' , 这并不带表他不敬，只是他自己认为他不仅是我的儿子还想成为我的朋友。我非常喜欢孩子叫我'老妈' 。这并不代表我真觉得我自己老，而是意味着我的孩子跟我很亲近。

话又说回来，中国女人，对讲出真实的年龄并不十分地忌讳，有孩子的女人一般都很坦然，当我们看着自己的孩子一天天长大就无法否认我们在生产的那一瞬间完成了从姑娘到母亲的蜕变。等女儿生了孩子，女人就变成'姥姥'，就是对老女人最亲切的称呼了，一个'女'字，加一个'老'字，字面上再明白不过了。老外就比较虚伪，parents （父母） 前面加个 grand (大，重要），显然不如中国人实在，老就是老嘛，承认也就没负担了。

我了解，西方国家的人是不敢在女人面前提'老' 字的，孩子说母亲'老'那更加万万不能。实际上人一生下来就在变老，这是个铁的生物学事实，但是有些人不愿意承认这个事实，用心理和视觉错觉来麻痹自己和别人，所以我们经常看到很多40岁上下的'青年'艺术家。如今活到80岁不稀奇了。但我们搞统计的人都知道，40是80的中位数，40 岁以上的人，可自己装着个18岁的心，但挖空心思外表装嫩就大可不必了。

刘德华在当爹的年龄上还被人叫做'华仔'听起来就不那么自然和轻松。实际上华仔倒是应该大方地承认自己是仔仔的爹了，小粉丝们并不会有多失落，反而会更喜欢他，可惜这天皇巨星，不够自信，面对不了那份承认长大的失落。

我刚上大学时还未满十六岁，在班上是小的，班上最大的同学是32岁，同学们都宠着我，把我当小孩，我自己就觉得自己很小，这个经历造成了我一生的年龄 '错位' ，我在毕业后刚开始教书的几年里，跟很多老三届或差过队的毕业生做同事，待人处事方面我明显地嫩，我也总觉得别人不会跟自己一般见识，说话做事都不会太在意后果。多年来，我就是凭着这样的傻妹妹心态为自己创造了很多机会。

这'年龄错位症'让我的心理在青春期里晃了三十年，值得庆幸的是，在4年前的一天，在不经意中我的毛病得到了彻底的纠正，办公室里来了个中大的毕业班实习生，我们聊着聊着，她告诉我，' 许老师，您跟我母亲是一样的年龄'。我恍然意识到，我是眼前这充满青春气息的小姑娘的长辈。我还真得谢谢这个同学，是她让我从此跳出了青春期心态，踏踏实实地长大了。

The time has finally come.. tomorrow is FINALLY friday. I've been waiting for this day all week long. I get to finally see steven.. Is it weird that I'm feeling this way? It's like a school girl crush but yet.. I just so want to be with him and am looking forward to it.

I found out that he's going out of town next weekend so since i was already planning on it, but now i can definitely do it- i am soooo going to vegas! Its gonna be my mini vay-cay before i start school on the 22nd. Spend some time with my missy.. Things are going so good for her right now, i'm stoked for her. Envious.. lucky bitch haha

留学的代价

Angela 是我在伦敦念书时学生宿舍的小邻居，这个来自希腊的19岁女孩是个小学校长的娇女。刚开始读书时Angela 不懂安排时间，花很多时间化妆打扮，跟小男友玩，时间不长就出了问题，考试过不了关，系主任找她谈，不得不从社会学转学'政治学'。由于读书不得要领，以后的学业还是不顺，后来她开始整夜不睡，坐在厨房里抄书，看到她的状态，凭着学医的直觉，我觉得有些不安，后来她离开宿舍，搬到伦敦的另一个不太安全的地区，我也就跟她失去了联络。

1993 年的圣诞之夜，突然有两个中年男子找到我，原来是 Angela 的父亲和她的叔叔大老远从希腊赶来，他们告诉我，Angela 精神出了毛病，求我跟他们一起去把Angela 从她的住处接出来带回家治疗, 因为 Angela 本人不肯下楼，酒吧老板以所谓'尊重人权'的理由，竟然拒绝她父亲上楼接女儿回家的请求。实在走投无路，求我跟他们走一趟，看着他父亲万分焦虑的眼神，我没有犹豫，转身跟他们就上了车，到了酒吧的附近，我先走下车，一个人径直走到酒吧的前台，告诉老板，我是Angela 的朋友，专程来看望她。老板无法拒绝，我走上了楼，可怜的Angela 已经瘦得不象样了，东西扔了一地，她显然是崩溃了相当一段时间了，看到这来自异国他乡的小妹失神的大眼睛，我心里一阵难过，我上前抓住她的手，告诉她我要带她出去玩，Angela 迷茫之中说了些语无伦次的话， 因为从前跟我关系不错，她还是相信我，便顺从地跟我走出了酒吧的门，我拉着她的手走出100多米远，漆黑的圣诞夜，这100多米显得十分的漫长，一直来到路旁的轿车门口，他的父亲一把抓住小女儿的双臂，把她拉进车里，车开动了，她父亲老泪地纵横对我说，对不起让你过了这样一个圣诞夜，我们全家永远都不会忘记你对我们的帮助， 我们无法表达此刻的感激之情。我说， '您不用谢我，关键是要照顾Angela, 她病好了就没事了'。这是一个十分特别的圣诞之夜，我几乎一夜没睡。

好心的父亲积攒了多年的钱将女儿送到英国读书，本想女儿完成学业，有个好前途，可万没想到等待他们的是如此难以接受的残酷现实。后来我有机会跟英国的一个华人精神卫生专家电话讨论，他说，很多孩子到英国不久就出现精神问题，我的经验是，把孩子送回国就是最有效和经济的治疗。因为很多孩子一踏上自己的国土就很快恢复了健康。一方水土养一方人，他乡的月圆但不见得会照亮你孩子的心。

It was a bright and gleeful summer day. A day that any child would enjoy, as their friends come over and play outside or to become absorbed in video games; but for me, it was merely another day of hell…

"Asakura! Get your ass down this here this minute!" yelled his mother. The shrill of her voice filled the whole house and I reluctantly started towards the source. I trudged down the stairs with the taste of bitter disgust stuck in my mouth, anger boiling within me with each step that I took; a response spurred by the utter resentment I had for my family and nearly everybody associated with it.

I am a boy of seventeen. My mother hails from Japan and my father is Chinese. I had my heart stomped on, mangled and left virtually useless when my girlfriend of seven months left me with no explanation. I don't have the best family; and have practically no friends. I had nowhere to turn until I met my sweet gothic Naomi. She is the one who cheered me up when I was crying on the way home. Well, actually she saw the bad shape I was in and she slapped me across the head to knock me out of my slump, and told me to stop crying. As unorthodox as her methods are, they are the only ones that work. I saw sincere care in her dark eyes, something I so rarely see.

"Asakura Cozy, look at this mess that you have caused in the kitchen!!" Mom exclaimed. I narrowed my eyes slowly yet cautiously to see what disaster lay within the room ahead. What I saw made me stop and stare; I stood there amazed at what was once a kitchen that glittered and shone, but was now dull and nasty, as pots were dangling from shelves with slimy green liquid coming out of them, accompanied by a pungent smell that made my nose feel like it was about to melt off. So I started to turn away to gasp for some air, but before I could do that I felt a sharp pain across my back that almost made me fall to the floor.

I said in pain, "What was that for?" And when I turned around again, I saw my mother; her eyes were red with fury, her pupils nothing but black holes that led to torture. Before I could explain to my mom that it wasn't my fault (even though it would be a waste of my breath to argue), she pushed me into the kitchen and yelled at me to clean it up. As I stood there fuming by myself and glaring around at the miracle it would take for me to accomplish this task, my rage so great it overrode my impulse to vomit, I saw my two sisters Amaya and Shiri laughing their heads off at the torture that they had arranged for me to go through. But before I could find something hard to toss at them, they dashed off to safety.

It took agonisingly long hours to finish cleaning up the mess that was not my doing, and I was exhausted. With the taste of disgust and anger preserved with also the pungent smell which still burnt my nose and still made my stomach churn, I decided to take a cold shower in an attempt to get rid of this stress and anger that I was feeling.

Then suddenly I heard the doorbell ring and the thought that that person might be here to see my parents made me decide to move like my old geezer grandpa, which would probably have been the case either way with how tired I was; in short, I took a very long time to reach the door. And even then, I stopped for a while as I grasped the cool doorknob, various thoughts swarming through my head. The doorbell sounded again, but I still didn't open the door immediately. But I knew the reaction my parents would have if I took too long, so after waiting a few more seconds, I turned the knob.

When I pulled open the door, I was a bit surprised to see Naomi standing there. She immediately embraced me and held me so tight, it was as if she was trying to crack every bone in my body. I was too surprised to ask her why she was so excited, but I was glad to see her, regretting my little attempt at rebellion. Then, with absolutely no warning, she released me, grabbed what was left of my prune hands (from all the cleaning) and started leading me, a bit roughly, away from my house.

"Come over to my house," she exclaimed with a wide smile. "I've got a surprise for you!"

She almost didn't let me close the door behind me.

"Naomi! This isn't like you, why the hell are you so happy today, and what's this big surprise?" I asked, Naomi's dark hair flowing behind her.

"If I told you now it won't be a surprise," Naomi said, smiling gleefully. Then she tugged me even harder as we came closer to her house.

"Uh, come on, I wanna sleep Naomi, can't you show me this another time when I'm actually awake?" I retorted tiredly.

"You can sleep after, you big baby," she remarked.

We finally arrived at her house. Naomi swung the door open releasing me momentarily so I could climb the stairs without falling forward, although she still pushed me verbally. Then she took me to her computer, which had two helmets sticking out at the side of it. I looked at her angrily, a look of pure fury on my face. I almost felt like killing her. "You dragged me here for this?!!" I yelled.

With a small voice, she answered, a bit surprised and disappointed with my reaction, no doubt, "Yes."

I was in no mood for this. I turned to leave but she was too fast; she pulled me by my shirt, dragged me to the seat as though I was her pet and slammed one of the helmets on my head.

"Quit it, Naomi! Games are for losers!" I yelled, my tone as livid as before. But the next thing I knew, I couldn't see or hear anything. What did she do?

The apprehension and fear lasted no more than a few seconds and presently, my senses returned. But I was no longer in Naomi's room; I was somewhere else. It looked like the scene from a fantasy flick. There were buildings around. They were not the concrete structures I was used to, but they were made of clay. The sign that bore the name of the town was made of wood. Street vendors called out to passer-bys the items they carried; like rare items, weapons and armour. This place… for some reason, I felt at peace here, despite the fact that strange-looking characters crowded the streets. The fresh air in this pristine world was wonderfully simulated. A beautiful, clear river trickled along nearby. Elaborately dressed patrons turned to look at me, standing there all alone.

Then, after a few moments later, a flash of flame bolted down beside me and when it was gone, Naomi was left; but she looked different. She had the look of a female soldier; her black hair with red highlights had been replaced by long snow-white hair. Virtual Naomi had a clear beautiful, tender body covered by a coat of amour with long leather boots. She wore a golden band over her head like a crown in the middle of it was a precious blue stone and finally she was armed with a beautiful – but undoubtedly deadly – sword with the edges glistening, as though it cut the sun's rays in every direction and in the middle of it were ancient symbols that were blue and glowing brightly.

It was then that I decided to see what changes this virtual world made to my appearance. Quietly, I walked over to the river and the person that I saw wasn't the Asakura I was used to. I still looked my age, but I was no longer the pale skin and bones I used to be. My hair was still brown, but spiked; my muscles surprised me but not as much as the glowing tattoos on my right arm. A very large sword (longer than I was tall, and I was taller in this world) rested in its hilt, which was strapped across my back. It had a golden handle with a dragon chain at the end. Instead of armour I was dress in black garments, you couldn't see my mouth as the clothes covered my mouth and stretched to my belt buckle as I was wearing leather pants with boots that felt as hard as steel and they too were black leather.

For a moment I stared at my reflection, I said softly, "This sure beats real life." Then I turned my eyes away from the new me. I stretched my new muscles, realizing the just how tired I was. Although reluctant to leave, I didn't see anywhere to sleep in this place. "How do you take off the helmet?" I called over to Naomi.

The stunning figure before me answered with seemingly great disappointment that I wanted to leave already. "You have to pull it off by holding your head then you pull it up," she said in a low tone. I tried it, but still found myself in the game.

"Idiot," Naomi said as she made the same gesture; NO LUCK! She looked at me in astonishment.

For a moment I just stood there thinking it was all a dream; actually a nightmare. While Naomi tried constantly to take off the helmet, each time to no avail. Then with the anger from earlier and the tiredness that I felt, I let out a loud, anguished cry. I didn't even care that my tattoo began to blaze even more brightly and that the crowds of passer-bys, vendors and customers, turned curious eyes in our directions, probably wondering if I was possessed or something. From there tears of sorrow and anger began flowing down my face as I stared at Naomi, she was now coming up to me, with her mighty sword she used the handle and thrashed me across the head.

"Cut the crap, Asakura! This isn't helping either of us!"

"Well, you knocking me in the head isn't helping either!" I retorted.

"What're you lookin' at?" Naomi demanded as she turned to the curious eyes of those around us. Either losing interest or not wanting to challenge the obviously angry – and possible insane – pair of warriors, they went back to their business.

I did feel a little better, though, after crying a bit and yelling at Naomi, although my head still hurt. This virtual reality was amazing; each sensation must have been sent directly to my brain, so it felt as real as if I were in my own house getting whooped by Mom. I stared at Naomi's character and I said in a low tone, "What're we gonna to do?"

Always quick to answer, she said, "Guess we have to finish the game and see, we also have to find a guild."

I asked her to explain what she meant by "guild". She said it was a group of people working together for the same thing - a team. As I was about to ask her one final question, she appeared to read my mind.

"This game is called The Terra; I won it in a sweepstakes I entered."

I then took a deep breath, wiped my eyes and looked around again to see what journey I had ahead of me in this

"Terra," I thought….

To be continued……

Well guys I finally got over the fact that I'm stuck in a virtual world, I am happy though that I can get away from my parent. The only hard part now is that I have to make friends Ugh (lol).

Next: Chapter 2: The Trials Ahead

oh, the trials and tribulations of one so terrifically troubled.